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Recruiting (SATIRE)

Posted on Mon Feb 17th, 2020 @ 11:55am by
Edited on Tue Feb 18th, 2020 @ 10:24am

Recruitment is Up Up and Away!

The latest monthly reports from Admiral R. E. Cruit has been released. Due to an overwhelming response most of the fleets ship capacity is near overwhelming. He has stated that the recent uptick is due to the revolutionary way the Commanding Officers have been recruiting. When asked the Admiral stated the following, ”Our CO’s have begun standardizing their recruiting messages, by beginning every advertisement with the year is 2394, the masses have been incapable of containing their interest to enlist. Some of the top recruits for this month have been James Tiberius Picard (no relation to either Captain) and Lieutenant Major Commander Hair E Unicorn who has volunteered to lead away missions.”

Statistically the numbers seen have been far greater than previously experienced across the fleet and hos prompted several ships that have been mothballed to be reactivated, the first ship to return to service will be the Constitution Class USS Osheet named after Ensign Osheet whose untimely death on an away mission reverberated through the lower decks nearly sparking a red shirt mutiny.
In conclusion if you are looking for an excellent ship to join there are many options, unless it begins with “The year is 2394 and we are looking for you,” it is not fleet approved. In other news surveillance devices spark concern as the fleet votes later this week to remove “We are looking for you,” from their recruitment posters.

Commander Frank Kamar
Commanding Officer
USS Pennsylvania

Written for Outpost 42


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Category: General News