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In a mirror, darkly

Posted on Fri Feb 7th, 2020 @ 7:13pm by Warrant Officer Scott Sharif

Personal Log: Warrant Officer Scott Sharif
Location: Warrant Officer Sharif's Quarters

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"Mirrors, they tend to reflect what they see, exactly as they see it. No bias, no distortion or judgement, just exactly what is in front of them." Sharif said, as he gazed into his own brown eyes of his reflection. "So why is it that we often don't like what is shown back to us? We don't recognise what we see or the face that is staring back at us. The mirror didn't adjust the image in any way, it is identical to the face everyone else sees every day"

Scott paused, searching his mind for the next words, the words he needed to say. As he thought, he visually traced the lines and marks on his face, a mixture of old scars and signs of aging, signs of the inevitable passing of time. "I think it has a lot to do with what we see past the mirror, past the reflection looking back at us, past the eyes."

"Instead, it's what those eyes have seen that we don't like, the memories of wars and of poverty, destruction and horror. Of course they've seen good, hope and birth and happiness, but it's always the horrors we remember the most" Sharif stepped away from the mirror and began walking around his small quarters, hoping that movement would help dispel the memories that were threating to overwhelm him.

A large sigh escaped his lips, a sigh of frustration and desperation, a sigh almost as old as Sharif himself "SAR training started today, it made me think of old memories, ones that everyone would rather forget."

Walking behind his desk, Sharif reached into a small shelf and pulled out a glass and a large bottle, filled about halfway with a deep amber liquid. Pulling off the stopper, Sharif poured a double measure of the potent liquid and set the bottle back onto the desk, he lifted the glass to his face and inhaled. A strong aroma of various spices, rich burnt oak and the hard hit of alcohol assualted Sharif's senses all at once, he brought the glass to his lips and took a large mouthful of the drink. The combination of spices and alcohol hit him immediately, then the warmth of the drink burnt down his throat as he swallowed.

"People often say that war is the worst thing in the galaxy, it turns friends into foes, rips apart worlds and empires while causing an untold number of casualties" Sharif downed the rest of the liquid in his glass, wincing as he did, he grabbed the bottle and filled the glass once again, but he placed the bottle back on the shelf where it came from intially. "Respectfully, I disagree. War is the second worst thing in the galaxy, the worst is dealing with the aftermath of war."

Moving around the desk and back into the main living area, Sharif gently lowered himself onto the a-little-too-plush couch and set his drink on the small glass table which sat in front of the couch. He kicked off his boots and placed his feet upon the table, careful not to disturb the drink.

"I still remember the aftermath, no matter how many new worlds I see or prospering civilizations I visit, the aftermath is there. World's on fire, dense black smoke pouring out of every structure as they crumbled and collapsed. That horrid, arid smell of burnt flesh and death, a smell that lingers even with air purifiers working beyond capacity." Scott closed his eyes and tilted his head back on the couch, no longer trying to fight the memories he was reliving.

"I remember being part of one of the several thousand SAR teams that got deployed at the end of the Dominion War, I had just bearly joined Starfleet and already got thrust into that chaos. We spend hours, days, weeks looking for any signs of life in the ruined cities on countless planets. All that was left was death and dispair"

Scott remained silent and motionless for a few minutes, prompting the computer to enquire if the log had been completed or not. "Resume recording, I was just remembering."

"Of course, since those days I've had my Starfleet mandatory counseling and psychological evaluation, they've all deemed that I'm sound of mind and strong of will. They assured me that we did all that we could, we managed to save many lives and helped to rebuild the future. But, what they failed to tell me is how to live with these damned memories!" Sharif exclaimed in a rare burst of anger. His voice settled, returning back to its usual cool composure "I know that the work that we did, the people we helped save was all of great importance and rewarding. Unfortunately, the mind tends to gravitate towards the negative. I just hope and pray that we'll never have to go through something like that again. Ever"

Taking his feet off of the table, Scott leaned forward and grabbed his drink, he raised it before him in a toast "To the ones we couldn't save and find, I am forever sorry" he finished the drink in one gulp, the alcohol helping to burn away the memories once more.

"Computer, end log"

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